...To Make a Long Story Short...

After reading an amazingly insightful dating guide (found here) I found my eyes opened to the behavior patterns of my gender. Truly, the curtain has been pulled back.  Feeling invigorated by the article I thought I could expand upon the information a bit.  Here are some more things the observant watcher can learn about us:

1. If he enjoys a lush earth class atmosphere he's probably a carbon based life form. If he requires a steady in stream of methane gas he may be silicon based. Silicon based men tend to have poor molecular cohesion in our atmosphere, and are thus not very reliable.

2. Do his shirts contain two arm holes opposite one another? He may be a bilaterally symmetric creature. Bilaterally symmetric creatures tend to be indecisive and like tacos. Also, unlike a star fish, his limbs will NOT grow back once removed.

Never up for Parent of the Year3. During your dinner dates does he sometimes trade steely eyed gazes with a stranger across the room, excuse himself from the table, and then meet the person outside with his sword in hand? When deciding which dessert to order does he end the debate with "There can be only one!"? He may be a Highlander. Highlanders are immortals who can only die once their head is removed.  Being immortal they can not father children and frequently have commitment issues. If you are looking for a family man, a Highlander may not be for you. 

4. Is he constantly focused on your mental acumen; probing your intellectual fitness within every conversation?  Does he do so by simply saying "BRAINS!" all the time and salivating when you brush your hair?  If so, he may be a zombie.  Get as far away from zombies as you can, they tend to have deep rooted inferiority complexes and will only bring you down to their level.

Just avoid.5. If you find that he tends to make everything about him, and that it’s hard to get away from him once you are in his area of influence he may be a collapsed neutron star, possibly even a black hole. While they are over their more exciting years, having shifted their lives into cruise control, neutron stars tend to have a lot of good years ahead of them still and are very reliable.  Black holes are selfish pricks.

6. Does he seem more charismatic than all those around him; giving off a certain presence when he is in the room?  More so than the people in the background? Does he look familiar but you can’t quite place his name, or where you remember him from? If so, then he is probably the current guest star on this week's episode of Law & Order.  Be careful because he is usually the murderer. The warning goes double if it’s Law & Order: SVU. 

These are just a few extra things I wanted to warn the women in the dating scene about.  Give you something to keep an eye out for, i know it can be hard out there.

Good luck!