Double Feature! The X-Files and Mummy 3

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

I have no idea why they made this movie.

Really.

I don't care about these characters anymore and this movie did nothing change that. The X-Files is a great example of tv shows needing to end. It was great while it was around, I absolutely loved the TV show and the first movie, but not everything you like needs to go on forever. Sometimes stories work better if they have a clear beginning, middle, and end. This well is dry.

The X-Files does manage to get one thing right, and that is bring back the main cast. Although not doing much State side in a while, Gillian Anderson has returned from across the pond to reprise her role as Dana Scully. She's great in the movie. Then again I always felt she was the better actor of the two. Then there's David Duchovny, who I only list one step above Keanu Reeves in the great book of acting. He can play only one type of character but he can do it well. Thankfully, Fox Mulder is that type. Also, Mitch Pileggi makes a brief return as Walter Skinner.

The X-Files felt more like a handful of smaller stories woven together, than a cohesive movie. There was the sick child in Scully's care, Mulder's semi-return to the FBI, their past and present, a sinner priest seeking redemption and, oh yeah, the main story of the movie. I kept forgetting that there's a serial killer they are on the hunt for. With so much other stuff going on I don't even know how they had time to find him. To fit everything in Mulder and Scully go from snow capped wilderness crime scene, to Mulder's home, to the crime scene again, to Scully's hospital, then back to the crime scene so ofter and quick I can only assume that they all exist in the same city. The serial killer won the Bad Murder Spree Starting Point Lotto apparently. Sucks to be you. That story ended up feeling like the simple plot device to bring them back together that it was.

And speaking of the main story; this one is textbook from the series. It's so much like the series that they carry over the bad parts about TV shows. You get the feeling that by the end of the 'movie' everything will be back the way it was; just like in the show. There's never a sense of dread with the characters. When one gets in trouble; the other one will come charging in, like they always do, at the last possible second to save their life, defeat the bad guy, prove Scully/Mulder were both kinda right, but it doesn't matter because there would be no evidence to support that. Boring.

It's kinda nice to see where the Scully/Mulder relationship has gone and what they've been up to but this movie was totally unnecessary. If you feel you have to see it, then rent it.

Which sorta takes me from boring to bad.

I also saw The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor this weekend.

Now, I liked the first Mummy movie. Not the most believable movie ever but it was campy and fun. It was a low bar and they cleared it easily. Not so much this time.

Unlike the X-Files, the producers of this third Mummy movie decided that silly stuff like casting the same people, or people who are believably young enough to be someone's offspring, wasn't important for squeals. We have Brendon Fraser returning as Rick O'Connell and John Hannan returning as Jonathan, the sometimes funny brother-in-law but that's it. I've heard that Rachel Weisz was pregnant during the filming so she had to turn down her part of Evelyn O'Connell (picked up by Maria Bello). After seeing the movie however, I have to believe upon reading the script she told the producers to kindly 'fuck off'. Probably in her smoking hot British accent too; I bet that was awesome. Then we have Jet Li as Han, the terracotta Emperor everyone insists on calling a mummy. Michelle Yeoh acting the pants off of everyone as Zi Juan, the good witch. Isabella Leong as Lin, the love interest to Luke Ford's character, Alex O'Connell; the twenty something son of the thirty something Rick O'Connell. Like that wasn't annoying throughout the whole movie.

I'm going to go ahead and sum up the movie for you right now with some quotes*:

"Oh shits! It's a mummy! I hate mummies! Really? I hate mummies too! Grrr..I also hate mummies! Dang! Mummies are so bad, I hate when they do stuff! Oh noes it's a mummy again! Gah! I do not enjoy being around mummies! What's the mummy doing now? He's doing mummy type things which I hate! I'll stop the mummy! No! I'll stop the mummy! But I hate mummies and have faced several before! I too hate and have faced mummies before! Let just stop the mummy together!..."

Does that sounds like a good movie to you? If it does you are going to fucking love The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, go see it like a hundred times. If not then maybe you should skip this one.

*Warning: Quotes may be paraphrased, but sadly not as much as you think.

Comments

[Stephanie]

Words cannot describe how appreciative I am that you did not drag me to either of those movies. You are a true and generous friend - taking TWO for the team.

[stu]

Oh dear, and I was quite looking forward to the Mummy III.