...To Make a Long Story Short...

Top 5 Celebrities I Want to HeadButt

#1 - Johnny Depp:

Justification?

*Headbutt*

#2 - Lady Ga-Ga:

Justification?

If you dont know, then I think this sums it up better than I can:

"Hey Lady Gaga, GWAR called. They wanted to tell you that you're trying too hard." -RoguePixie

#3 - Robert Pattinson:

Justification?

From his interview with Details Magazine:

"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."

#4 - Mickey Rourke

Justification?

A thousand The Wrestler movies wont make me forget Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

*Headbutt*

#5 - Geoffrey Arend

For marrying her when I had clearly called "dibs".

*Headbutt*

I never felt that Tiger Woods owed me, or anyone outside his family, an apology. It's a personal matter. None of our business.

But now I demand an apology for the apology he gave today. Subjecting humanity to something like that mind numbing unending press conference today should be illegal.

Hugh Grant's hooker apology from a few years ago was way better. I actually switched over to an old you tube video of it during Tiger's speech.

12 times.

Sometimes I think Randall Munroe - of XKCD -  is the saddest soul on the planet; a genius tortured by a mind that must attempt to rationalize everything, even the irrational.  

Stuck trying to solve the riddle of love and happiness. 

 ...and other times I think he just pretends to be to get chicks. 

President Clinton hospitalized!

- Manditory birth control pills handed out to all nurses.

- Unprecedented levels of folksy charm reported in surrounding burrows.

- BFF Kim Jong-il inconsolable.

I think I'm in love.